Week 9

Why, why am I still hurting two days after!? Man, that bar party was off the hook! I had such a great time, and I can't remember any of it after the first 30 minutes! My liver and stomach are still punishing me. I didn't even make it out the following Sunday either (although my team didn't play anyway), but I did hear I wasn't alone in my suffering.

Well gang, welcome to the home stretch, lets recap this weekend's action and gear up for our playoffs this Sunday (starting at 10AM)!

Recap:

Everlasting Gobstoppers 1 Menace 2 Sobriety 0 (forfeit): Congrats to Everlasting for showing up on Sunday. M2S you've now sunken to new lows. I hope you all can scrape together a team for this week's playoffs, if not, it was nice knowing you.
Afternoon Delight 1 The Bagpipers 0 (forfeit): No way!? Really? The BP's shocked everyone this weekend. I tip my hat to the Afternoon Delights, they're a quality bunch!
Morningwood 2 Sleazy Bandeezee 3: Wah, wah, wah, waaaah! All season long I thought it was just a matter of time before the big blue giant (Matt) and his band of kickballin' smurfs finally got socked with a reality check, and what do you know! The once and perhaps future champs Sleazy took it to the house this past Sunday. To be fair to both sides, I was really hoping you'd both lose this weekend, but unfortunately that's not the way kickball is played. I'm sure both sides will meet up in the playoffs with that game being WAY more intense.
SF Natives 1 Playground Bullies 12: Mercy rule anyone!? Darn the PB's came to play in a big way on Sunday... And yes, I do consider myself Shakespeare's protege... Tough break for the Natives. They're good people, and I dig their city, but the Bullies meant business. Will they be able to bring that same level of intensity this weekend? We'll soon find out!

Seventh Inning Stretch:

My fellow Vertigo Kickballers, the time has finally arrived. The day you've all been waiting for. The moments when records are broken, debts are paid, revenge is served, victory is sweet, tears are shed out of joy and saddness, beer flows like water, whales migrate north, high school seniors break up with their steady boyfriends before heading off to college and sleeping with the first guy they meet, even though they said they were waiting until they got married... I mean, its PLAYOFF TIME BEETCHES!

That's right all you crazy kids, its the special time of year when your team's record is practically NULL and VOID! Unless you have more than 3 forfeits of any kind (eh hem Bagpipers) in which case, Too bad! This is the real time for kickball all-stars to shine, for those people who've been taking kickball WAAAY to seriously to finally have some vindication for working on their game so hard. Its also the time of year where legends are made and hearts are broken... And not just if your high school sweetheart got all slutty on you when she went to college... Um, sorry about that, I don't think the therapy is working yet.

Anyway, with all that hype being thrown around, I think there are some key pieces of information I outta to share with everone, since I'm a seasoned vet, before we finally say adios to the regular season and hola to the Playoffs this Sunday.

I'm cool, you're cool and its just a game: Hey, I like you. I really do. If you've posted to our games, and events, than I totally dig you. However, I want my team to win, and I will probably do all that is legally feasible for that to happen. That doesn't mean I all of a sudden hate you, but if for some reason I'm teasing you along the sidelines or macking it to your woman when you're back's turned, I'm just doing it to help my team win. I'm totally gonna leave that attitude on the field when everything is said and done with, and I expect EVERYONE to do the same. I can't promise I won't call her though... I mean next topic!

For he's a jolly good fellow, until he f*cks us over: Refs, good bless you. You're vital to our games, and you typically do a good job. However if you start flirting with some dude on the sideline, wander off to smoke a cig, or totally botch a blantaly obvious call you will NEVER hear the end of it (no pressure). My advice: focus, focus, focus, and focus some more. Pay attention to the games people and everything should work out just fine. Give everyone a warning for a first offense and thereafter lay down the law. And if G.I. JOE taught us anything, its that knowing is half the battle; read up on the rulebook if you're rusty!

We've got spirit yes we do, we've got spirit and you're screwed: Teams that show up en masse typically do better down the stretch. Captains get your freaggin team members to the games! Bribe 'em with money, booze, drugs, whatever they're into, just get 'em there! Make it fun this weekend, cause if you're team's any good they'll be hanging out for a while. Tell people to bring beach blankets, stereo's, food, beer, wine, whatever, just try to get things organized so that EVERYONE out in Golden Gate Park has a good time... Not just the bums that collect all our trash!

Its not over till the fat lady gets a black eye: Gang, there are gonna be some questionable calls and/or plays, but the good teams get over that quick. If the call sticks, then suck it up and move on. Remember rule 76: No excuses, play like a champion! The last thing we want is a b*tch-fest between teams, refs, captains, hobos and dwarves (haven't we hurt the dwarves enough already)! I know, I know, it seems odd that I mention this after telling the refs to be up on their stuff, but I gotta do it. Last season some girls literally almost fought each other in a quarterfinal game for no reason. Let it go people, SERENITY NOW! I doubt it'll happen anyway, since everyone in the league is pretty chill this year, but its better to be safe than sorry.

Also, if any ladies do want to wrestle, lemme know, I'll bring the jello and make sure someone else remembers to bring the inflatable pool.

To the victor go the spoils: Gang, the team that wins the league (and the runners up) get entered into the national tournament at VEGAS! Think about it, the glitz, the glory, the GAMBLING! Ohhhh, so tasty! And who knows, that could be you rocking out like an all-star rep'ing the 415. So come ready to play this weekend!

Loose lips sink ships: There is gonna be a lot of sh*t talking going on this weekend. And it's okay to tease, but lets keep it clean out there people! This is a KIDS GAME after all!

There is no free agency: I'm sorry gang, if someone is not on your team then they CANNOT play on it during playoffs. Your team could get disqualified if you do that. Be smart and play by the rules!

I earned my drinking badge in the Boy Scouts: Gang, feel free to come scout teams out if you've got a later game or your team is done playing for a while. Finding out a teams weakness and strengths always helps. Plus, you can always cheer for the underdogs or against whatever teams you don't want to play.

Okay, I think I said what needed to be said, and now that I've said that, I'm going to say that I think everyone should come out this Sunday and play some ball! Lets end this season on a high note!!

Pointless Predicitions:

1) Now that the playoffs are on tap, expect a lot of crazy results. Throw out the schedules and start from scratch people. We're writing new records on Sunday.
2) Not really a prediction, just a heads up. If you're reffing this weekend, expect to get a lot of gripe if you're flimsy on a call. Make your calls LOUD and ACCURATELY or suffer the consequences!
3) More predictions to come as soon as I get a schedule for the opening games this Sunday!

Players of the Week:

Tom Lanahan of team Sleazy Bandeezee is this week's male Player of the Week. Tom played on a busted ankle against Morningwood and even hobbled over to 1st base after nailing his at-bat try.

My female Players of the Week are all the ladies of Vertigo for dressing to impress this past Saturday night at our End of Season party. I'd throw out individual names, but I got too drunk to even remember where I was that night.

Quick Kicks:

1) Playoffs start this Sunday at 10AM. Get there by 9:45AM so we can start on time!
2) Bring plenty of water, beer and/or food to keep you going throughout the day this Sunday!